#LIFTINGMINDS : Anonymous

**TRIGGER WARNING: this post explores suicide - if you need to speak to someone after reading this, feel free to text ‘SHOUT’ on 85258 (available 24/7 for free) or call the Samaritans on 116 123 (available 24/7 for free)**

‘;’ is the option to stop, but the decision to keep going.

Mental health is misunderstood- it is not as simple as an isolated infection or wound. For some, it can be; for others, it is complex and difficult to pinpoint. It is an amalgamation of painful experiences, difficult emotions, hurtful judgements across constantly changing circumstances and contexts. It is not a smooth journey. It is bumpy and unpredictable. Within a space of a week, you can have a good day, an okay day, a bad day, an amazing day and a day which feels like your last.

External inputs aside, we forget that the individual is at the heart of this – victim to their own response systems, victim to their own behaviours and most importantly, a victim to their own mind. People fail to realise this, above all else, it is a battle against ones own mind. It is a battle where you are your own enemy. It is hard enough fighting yourself, another thing to have the opinions, judgements and comments of other people imposed on you during an already difficult time.

It is not just about constantly seeing close friends turn into strangers, it’s about seeing your own loved ones constantly tense and worried about you. Constantly feeling the guilt of how your own mental health, something that you can’t entirely control, can have a negative impact to those you love and fight through every day for. Constantly feeling helpless – you can’t give up because it will cause them pain, but equally living through your suffering is causing them pain, and inflicting what some refer to as ‘secondary trauma’. If you don’t want to inflict that secondary trauma, or be judged as “negative”, or see more people walk out of your life, you simply keep it in… until one day the pressure builds up, and it takes for someone else to knock the bottle before it explodes.

You cannot control someone else’s mental health, nor can you cannot comment on the extent of it. Mental illness can be invisible – some symptoms may be physical, but it is possible for people to be functioning, competing, working, studying, smiling and socialising whilst constantly battling intrusive thoughts behind closed doors. The only thing you can control is your response. When someone opens a conversation with you about their mental health, acknowledge that it has taken a lot for them to start that conversation, and that they are aware of how you may treat them differently, and they are exposing themselves to unwanted judgement, and perhaps risking the stability of their relationship with you by having that conversation.

Here is some perspective as to why I am writing this. I‘ve found myself researching fatality rates of different suicide methods, and as a result, found myself stood by the edge of an empty platform where a high-speed train was approaching. I say found, but this was something I had planned and prepared for. The time came to jump; I stood still. In that moment, I made the decision to keep going, for everyone other than myself. Though I’ll never say this out loud, but the truth is, I’m in a position where it is much harder for me to step away, than it is for me to jump. Having not told anyone about this, the next day I am told that I am quick to give up or that I am always giving up. Let the fact that I am still alive, and still doing everything I can to keep myself safe, even when I‘ve completely lost sight of the light at the end of the tunnel, be enough for you to believe that I am trying.

Before you push someone down further, criticise them while they’re already low, or judge them as negative, weak or blameworthy – stop. You are not them, and no matter how ‘close’ you are, you will never know or understand the true extent of what they are facing nor why, and you don’t have to. No matter who you are, you are not entitled to know anything. Even if someone is in a crisis, you should always respect their boundaries, and instead of asking ‘why’, ask ‘what’. Ask ‘what’ you can do to help them keep going, as opposed to ‘why’ they are feeling the way they are. Encourage them to do things that make them happy, or to focus on the things that give them a sense of purpose. Give them more reasons to keep going, as opposed to more reasons to give up. You don’t need to understand their situation to help, and you don’t need to know the full picture. You just need to be kind.