#LIFTINGMINDS: Manjot's story

It’s surprising how scary it can be to share your thoughts with someone other than yourself. Growing up, I was always told that it was good to express my feelings. To be honest about what I was going through. It’s something I always strived to do, until I began to feel like I was placing a burden on those closest to me. How many times can you be told that you should move on and not let the little things bother you? The truth is that, while they might start off as little, they build up and up until everything becomes overwhelming.

I was about to start my final year of university when I lost someone I loved so much. When I eventually got to university, I had the most supportive friends and flatmates, and yet I had never felt more alone. My first term was a blur; it was like I was on autopilot during lectures and study sessions. I handed all my assignments in on time, but I had no idea what I had written about. My evenings were spent in tears, until I fell asleep because I was so exhausted. All I could think about was getting through final year, to the point where I lost myself completely. The only way I felt like I could focus was to shut down and ignore my feelings. When I moved back home earlier this year, I didn’t know who I was anymore. This summer passed mostly in the same way. I did everything that was expected of me with a smile on my face – one that could not have felt more forced. The moment I was alone, in my room or outside somewhere, I would break down and cry. I couldn’t help it. No one considered the impact moving back home had on me. On top of the stress of final year, being both physically and emotionally unwell, I felt like I didn’t fit in anymore. I had changed during my time at university, but it seemed like people couldn’t accept it.

Somewhere during all of this, I decided to apply for my Masters at Royal Holloway. Joining a completely new university where I didn’t know anyone was terrifying. I found myself questioning how I had managed it three years ago but couldn’t seem to handle it now. That first week, I decided to join Royal Holloway’s Bhangra Society. I went to the taster session feeling nervous and out of place, but by the time it ended, I felt like myself again for the first time this year. With that two hour class, I was happy – no longer numb. I felt the sense of community in the room, almost like we were a small family. There was no judgement or negativity. I met an amazing group of girls and I began to love Bhangra. Since then, I’ve been able to recognise the person I used to be. I met more wonderful people each week – I’ve never felt more welcome anywhere else. Thank you to RHUL Bhangra Society for helping me to find myself again, and to Deepak and Sandeep for putting so much effort and dedication into the routines. It may just be a class they teach once a week, but for me, it’s so much more.