#LIFTINGMINDS: Manveer's story

First off, thank you to LIFT Bhangra for helping me to bring my story to you. It’s taken a lot to

bring myself to write this piece. There is a social stigma associated with mental health,

especially when it comes to social media. However, I feel that LIFT Bhangra presents the

perfect opportunity to talk about the role bhangra has played in my battle with mental

health.

For me, it began during April 2013 where I went through a low period in my life. I felt

helpless and would cry every day, regularly struggling to get out of bed. My anxiety was at

an all-time high and I was overthinking every aspect of my life. The hardest part of this low

period was trying to find a reason as to why I was feeling this way. I hoped it was a phase

that would pass; it wasn’t. I hoped it was the stress of A-Levels; it wasn’t. No matter how

hard I looked, I couldn’t find a solution to my growing problem.

Being sociable at school wasn’t getting any easier. I felt alone, isolating myself from my

friends because I felt like a burden upon them. I compared myself to everyone I

encountered, constantly belittling myself for flaws I didn’t really have. It eventually

culminated in skipping meals in a bid to try and lose weight. I felt like a ticking time bomb in

lessons. I would become overwhelmed and burst into tears, having to leave lessons to avoid

questions and stares from everyone.

When one of my best friends wouldn’t stop asking me about my changed demeanour, I

finally confided in her. I hoped for support and comfort. However like many who struggle to

understand mental illness, her response did the opposite. “Why do you have any reason to

be sad? You have everything going for you. You just need to stop seeking attention”.

Hearing this made me ashamed. I would punish myself for feeling this way, because I had no

reason to feel this way.

I then began having Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) during my lunch breaks every

week. For 4 months, I lied to my friends to avoid judgement. To them, I had doctor’s

appointments for an “ongoing health related issue”. To me, I was desperately trying to find

a solution to my problem. Thankfully CBT started to help make a difference.

Finally I made it to university, where I wanted a fresh start and to push myself out of my

comfort zone. I didn’t listen to much punjabi music but on a whim, I signed up for Bhangra

Society, with hopes to make friends. In just 2 hours, my life changed. I discovered a world

where you weren’t judged for making a mistake, or not being perfect. Once the music

started, I was free. The rush was exhilarating. Bhangra unlocked a part of me I didn’t know

existed. Every session became an escape from the mayhem of university and my personal

challenges. I felt at my happiest when dancing. Bhangra even provided a (literal) platform to

perform to crowds. The confidence I gained from dancing began to radiate through other

aspects of my life. Whenever I felt lost within myself, I pressed play and would let my

thoughts melt away with a routine.

Summer 2016 was a summer to remember for both positive and negative reasons. My

mental health problems arose again as I struggled to overcome my inner-need to please

people. I fell into old thought patterns, suffering from frequent anxiety attacks and

struggling to get out of bed to avoid the stresses of the day. But a break from university gave me an opportunity to compete in The Bhangra Competition 2016. This was my first

national competition and I looked forward to long hours of daily training. 8 hours a day flies

by when you’re with an amazing group of girls. We supported each other through tough

times, both on and off the stage. The “bhangra bubble”, so to speak, was a place where we

could all be ourselves. I could escape my self-deprecating thoughts because I was

encouraged, motivated and taught to be resilient in difficult times. It is a trait that I carry

with me to this day.

Bhangra helped me once again in summer 2018. Another opportunity to escape via training

with a competing team was a blessing I am truly grateful for. I was in a new city, with heavy

pressure from my job, being so far from home and an upcoming exam. My anxiety was at an

all-time high to the point where I was struggling to sleep, had frequent migraines and

suffered anxiety attacks at work. Once again, bhangra gave me a chance to make friends

and escape my troubles. Despite every single member of the team being a stranger to me, I

had flashbacks of 2016 where those who I danced with became part of my family.

BhangraFest 2018 provided a brief respite to my anxiety, despite the physical toll it took to

walk around for 9 hours a day, then train for 5.

But all good things come to an end. Soon the competition was over. I was back at work, with

pressure building and a crucial exam fast approaching. My mental condition deteriorated

where I went for CBT again to help with my anxiety, but this time there was no stopping my

thoughts of panic and distress. I felt the overwhelming need to study every minute I had,

and my friend dragged me to a charity bhangra class to get me out of the house. It seems no

matter how long I spend away from dancing, it always brings me ease. Once the music

starts, the wave of calmness hits. Bhangra was and always will be my happy place.

I felt the need to share this because I want people to know that it is ok to not feel ok. I still

have days where I feel overwhelmed and anxious about even the minor details. I was

judged for how I felt, but we shouldn’t judge those who are suffering. Mental health exists

in all shapes and forms and I am ever so grateful to my parents who supported me and also

encouraged me to pursue bhangra. The bhangra industry is full of amazing individuals who

are so supportive. I am so lucky to have found my own special family within my bhangra

journey, I can only hope that you can find peace in something as I have in bhangra.